You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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