I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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