my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
