You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
