Tell her she can't have a vagina
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
