dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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