i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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