weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
