I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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