my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize