my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
