just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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