Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I see more hoeing in ur future
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