i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
