is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
