I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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