im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
