i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
