i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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