there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
