We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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