He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
