Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
