the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
