i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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