worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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