I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
