I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
