dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
