I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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