one might say we're banned from that church
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
