you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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