I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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