Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Welp...herpes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pooping to opera.
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