i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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