I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
