so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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