you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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