absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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