I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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