i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
as a side note pls kill me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
