I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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