saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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