please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
