so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
