the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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