Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
