i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
