why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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