YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
