he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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