Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
