$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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